Itsaid:"I'm not looking for guys who want to experiment."I was crushed, but I think she got the wrong impression. So, I wrote backwith this go-for-broke message:"Not experimenting. I saw a video of you online and fell in love with thewhole package."I hit "send" and turned off the computer. If she was going to reject me,I didn't need to sit by the computer all day to not get a reply, or areply that said "buzz off".As I was walking into my kitchen a minute later, my phone rang. Thecaller id. No hard feelings, but it just didn’t seem like a good use of time, especially since I was only ‘mildly’ attracted to her. It was probably 10:30 at night when I got home, so I hopped on AOL. I usually looked at local members’ profiles who were online at the time and send IM’s, but this time I went into a public chatroom for singles in my town and boldly wrote, ൟ m just back from lousy blind date looking to meet more fun f tonight.’ Of course, publicly, I got ribbed a lot, but sure enough. Jealousy wasn't going to help, and it wasn't Shawna's fault anyway. She was beautiful. Even she wanted to be with Shawna, so she couldn't blame Marcus or Shawna for that attraction. It was just that, it seemed, Marcus didn't want her.Maybe she'd sent the wrong signals to him. Maybe the conversation about wanting something demure and respectful had been too much. But then ... maybe she just wasn't as attractive as Shawna. For sure Shawna would do things in bed that she wouldn't. Shawna even. ?Do you trust me?? he finally asked after a minute of silence. All I heard for a minute was the beating of my heart, but I swallowed again and this time my voice sounded steadier; not as shaky as it has been before. ?I do trust you. It’s just all of this is still new to me. It not something I’ve done before so I can’t help but be nervous. It’s not because I don’t trust you.? Even though I could not see Sam’s expression I knew that he was smiling and that made me smile in return. Sam’s smiles.
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